I Wasn’t Prepared for This: Anger After Adoption

9 thoughts on “I Wasn’t Prepared for This: Anger After Adoption”

  1. This is so moving because you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and real. I have been in the process of praying about adoption (haven’t been moving forward, though, because of my husband’s illness), and I’m praising God now for your answered prayer! Will be with you, too, in praying for everyday, no, moment-by-moment, grace!

  2. Wonderful post!!! As a fellow mom, I am in the trenches with you!! Somethings you learn and are grateful for how God has changed your heart…other things still rise up a little too much (ok, sometimes a lot too much!) and reminds you again that you need Jesus! What a precious reminder! And what joy to know that with these reminders, the Lord is using you to show your daughter God’s mercies and how big Jesus’ gift of love is!!

  3. People forget that little ones grieve, grieve hard, it may come out differently, but it is grief. They weren’t her caretakers, they were her parents, now everything is different, everything they knew is gone – even the gentlest of souls would be pushed to the brink experiencing that sheer magnitude of loss.

    1. Oh absolutely! My point is that my anger needs to change, not that her (relatively better off) situation warrants it. I know that the oppositional behaviors include her grief.

  4. Woah! LOL not what I expected! That was brutally honest. I’m glad that you have spoken honestly about it, adoption can be very difficult. It doesn’t mean you love them any less but the dynamics are still different. Be patient. This is a lot for her. I agree with Tao, she is probably grieving the loss of her family. I would let her have three bananas- there are worse things! :p

  5. Wonderfully said. Praising God for sanctification and his triumph over sin, because I fail on the daily and have no hole apart from his grace. This post is a beautiful look into reality that many of us mother bury inward.

  6. Thank you for this post because it soooo accurately sums up the feelings and thoughts I’ve had over the past year with our son. I remember desperately and quite honestly, angrily, trying to get him back to sleep (again!!) and being so convicted of my sin. In my head I was such a compassionate person, but I knew sin gripped my heart. It was a painful reminder of how fallen I am. The Lord has helped and things have gotten much better over time!

    Thank you for your honesty…no amount of training modules and Karen Purvis books can prepare you for the emotions adoption will bring you! I’m disappointed that some people have used your vulnerable post to give parenting advice or inform you about trauma (again, the Purvis books told us all about that).

  7. This is so real to me. When we adopted, I found myself angry that I was not as patient as I should have been with our new daughter (age 3) and I am sure I discounted much of her grief as being spoiled in the orphanage even though I’m now sure it was grief. It is so hard to parent a new child that didn’t start out as a baby growing inside of me, but God is so good and two years later, I love her fiercely and unconditionally. Thank you for reminding adoptive parents that we are not alone in our sinful nature and emotions and that with God we can get through it.

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